Thursday, April 11, 2013

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     As I look back on my blog posts I see someone who I once loved to be. I wasn't always secure but I had strong beliefs and through everything I defended them. I haven't wrote in almost six months not even journaling. And those who knew me well would be shocked by that, for I once journaled daily. I suppose I have falling down that all powerful slippery slope and to be honest I no longer know what I believe. A sad sad truth I suppose but still a truth. I have had so much hurt and pain welling up inside of me for so very long and I suppose I can no longer overcome it. If I could go back I would or I wouldn't I'm not entirely sure. Because back is where I let people use and hurt me. Now I suppose I only hurt myself. I don;t know what to say or what to do anymore. I can give no advice. I don;t know if I will ever feel better but I am don e begging someone who doesn't seem to hear. I have heard the idea of constant pursuit and have not seen or felt it. I have waited and waited in vain. Now I know that many of my old friends and maybe even family will turn their backs in disgust from me, but many already have. No I don't know why. No I don't know how. I don't know anything at all except to try and make it through each day.