I haven't blogged in a long time. And in all honesty I am a web of confusion here lately. I've been so busy with all the "must do's" of life and just in a state of the "I don't cares" that I haven't had time to really process what's going on with me. I have made mistake after mistake and have realized that they were a long time coming. Now you all know that I am a fan of complete honestly (god knows why) But the honest to goodness truth is I'm not doing so great with life right now.
Now I've definitely been beating myself up for this for the past few weeks. I have tried calling old friends, accountability, shear will-power but nothing has seemed to work. I feel like the combination of all the hurt and pain of the last few months finally combined and exploded into someone I never meant to be. I'm different now. I little rougher, a little sadder and a little more scared. Things I always thought I wanted I have begun to resent. I went from a state of complete invisibility to being seen more then I've ever wanted to. And by all the wrong people. I miss my dad more than anything in the world and I feel completely lost knowing I don't have him to turn to. Life has me completely stressed out.
Now for some happy. I've made some really great friends here and I have gotten so much closer to my family here. I'm getting into a good rhythm at work and I'm getting more responsibility. I've kind of given up on finding the perfect church and have just decided to just go to church, since not going to church has proved to be a very bad plan. I guess what i'm saying is even though I'm a mess right now and my relationship with Christ has suffered over the past few months, I know He is still holding onto me and through I may make bad choices He's faithful to bring me where He wants me no matter what road blocks I throw up. I would appreciate lots of prayers though, especially that I will make better choices and I will allow myself to look past the mistakes I have made.
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