Today I have been thinking a lot about how complicated we make life. In the past couple of years I have wondered why there are just some things that confuse me to no end and just seem impossible to figure out. I cannot stand the common way of doing things. The way that people never say what they mean or do what they actually want to do drives me insane. And yes I am also guilty of this terrible way of life. I keep things locked away when it would be better if they were spoken and I don't act on things I know I want... just because I lack the confidence to do so.
But in thinking all these things I think of times when I did act and was honest and I was utterly and thoroughly rejected. I just can't figure out which is worse. Wishing I would have or wishing that I never wanted to because it just didn't work out. The world is full of crushed hopes and dreams that were never meant to be. How do we cope with such heartache? For it is heartache when you think of what could have been. For me there is nothing worse than caring for something or someone more than I am cared for in return. All those invested emotions just seem to be trampled on just by the lack of acknowledgement that they exist. I hate the feeling of wanting to work on something that amounts to nothing or a relationship that is not equally invested on from the other side. Each time this happens it feels like a piece of my heart is taken from me.
As I have written before my life is no where near what I expected it to be. I long to finish college. I long to start a family. I just long for things to be simpler honestly. I was watching some old TV shows earlier tonight and the family life portrayed in these shows were just so simple. Relationships presented mild challenges but always in the end the characters said exactly what they wanted to say and they were rewarded with mutual feelings in the end. What I would give for that type of simplicity. That any conflict or speed bump in life could be easily smoothed over by mutual affection and understanding by all parties involved. It sounds life a fairy tale and in fact it probably is.
No we don't live in a world where life is that simple. Try as we might we will not always maintain or gain the relationships we hope for. We won't always speak plainly or act when we should. We are flawed and it's time we admitted it. Oh yes we should strive to imitate Christ but that should be out of the overflow of our hearts and not out of the skills in acting we may possess. But you see there is one very important lesson I learned earlier this week about this and I've been meaning to share it. Let me draw from some wisdom entirely not my own...
Philippians 4:11-13... "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in ANY and EVERY situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do EVERYTHING through Christ who strengthens me."
Now I am sure that most people weren't as silly as me when they studied this passage of scripture but I tended to break it into pieces. I would always read the part about being content and I would love the idea. I would think If I could just simplify I could become content. if I could just do this or that I would learn how to be content. If I would just stop wanting I would be content. I would always wonder what the secret was. (I know completely dumb!) Then I would give up on that and continue reading and I would read How I can do all things through Christ. Well that is an amazing verse of encouragement! The problem was... I heard it so much it had lost it's meaning to me. It had become trite. It was did not evoke emotion in me as it should. Here's the thing I just realized... These verses go hand in hand. Yes I can be content but only because Christ gives me the strength to do so. I who loves the idea of simplicity and seeing things for what they are and not what they are dressed up to be. I had complicated one of the simplest truths in the scripture. I can do all things through Christ who give me the strength to do so. Even be content with not being able to control my life. Even be content in not knowing how to simplify. Contentment, like simplicity, is not something you work on... It's something you allow.
Yes we have complicated everything in life. We say and do things we don't mean or believe. We strive to be content. But what we miss is that striving and contentment cannot even be in the same room together. In order to truly simplify we must relinquish the control we don't actually have. To do everything through Christ who gives us strength is not to go and fight the battle of discontent and strive for perfection. It is to allow God's strength to permeate through us and replace a heavy heart with a heart of peace. God provides the strength to overcome one of our biggest obstacles in our path to contentment and that is ourselves. Everything that I "lack" will diminish in appearance if I allow my focus to disengage from myself and focus on the purpose that God gives me strength to accomplish.
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