The other day I was visiting a very dear friend back in the Austin area. One thing very special about this friend is when she asks me "how I'm doing" she always asks me twice... This is needed for me because I (like a lot of other people) always automatically answer "Good!" Well it has been her tradition to ask me and then ask me again. When she asks me the second time I always realize what a liar I am. For the past several months I have not been good. I have not been good at all. I've been grieving and dealing with the changes in my life and in me (That I wasn't so sure I liked at all). But what is special about this time is when she asked me twice I realized that I really am doing well! I am dealing. And that is something that does not come naturally to me. I believe in being "strong" and in the past that has meant pushing everything that hurt away. I don't know if I'm entirely cured but I'm seeing the small steps I've taking. I'm happy... and not all the time. I still get sad. In fact today was actually one of my sad days. I got discouraged and really missed my dad. Father's day is coming up and I don't quite know what to do with that yet. But I am seeing the happy in things more often now than the sad. I am joyful I guess you could say, because only God can provide that and what I have surely doesn't come from anything I can conjure.
One thing that has really made me happy recently is that I am seeing doors open. I've always had all these great longings to do more and to serve in specific ways. But I have always thought "well maybe when I finish school"... or "maybe after I gain some more life experience." But doors are opening and I am so eager to jump through them! I have talked about working with kids who are in need since high school. I have talked about working within children's shelters, schools or maybe even an adoption agency. Just somewhere that can give these kids a different life, and most importantly a more abundant life! Well I just picked up my first volunteer application for a children's shelter here in SA and I couldn't be more excited to finally be putting some actions with my words. It also helps to know that my Dad would be proud of me. He always believed in the importance of missionaries at home. This could be exactly what God has planned for my life or it will be how God will show me other things... but it's a step... and let me tell you, I was getting so very tired of just standing still. (Sadly the door almost closed because the receptionist at the children's shelter was convinced that I couldn't be older than eighteen... which is the required age! Someday my eternal youth will be a blessing) Laughter :)
I'm just in a state of contentment right now at how things are panning out. Do I still get flustered at times? Definitely... I am still human. But just knowing that whatever I am feeling in the moment will pass and I will smile again, that is the biggest blessing. I think maybe that has a lot to do with what contentment looks like. (Possibly?) Anyway I guess the thing that has me most excited is that I am taking action. Action and words, though only one truly speaks the other is the only one truly heard. I don't really want myself to be heard (I don't have much to say worth hearing) but I want God to be heard through me. It is encouraging to me that, even though I am extremely flawed, God does these little things to remind me that He is not done with me yet.
The reason I want to give kid's a better life stems
From these kids right here. They are teaching me patience.
But I love them more than anything. My nieces and nephews.
I feel ya sis! Glad you're enjoying SA and that God is opening doors.
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